“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. .”

Introduction:

Relationships often run smooth, up until the point when they don't. It's inevitable that obstacles and disagreements will arise, potentially causing a strain in the partnership. If such feelings are not dealt with in a healthy and communicative manner, resentment can fester and evolve into a potent strain of negativity for any relationship. When this happens, it can prove to be incredibly difficult to climb back from, resulting in a relationship that is distant and disconnected.

However, there is hope. The MYM podcast offers three exceptional steps to deal with resentment and revive any relationship, be it romantic or platonic. The steps are personal responsibility, decide and focus on gratitude. But how does one go about incorporating these steps?

With that said, here are 3 steps to help you get out resentment 👊

1. Personal Responsibility: "How Am I Creating This?"

The first step is understanding how you are contributing to your own resentment. A really great question to reflect on is "How am I creating this." When we are brave enough to ask this question, and willing to learn the lessons of resentment, we can more easily take responsibility and let it go. If you pay attention to your resentment, you’ll probably discover an answer. The answer almost always reveals either emotional immaturity or the failure to speak up. Resentment is a teacher. Find out what you need to learn about yourself. Do you need to possibly grow up and be more flexible or open minded? Do you have an unhealthy need to be right or to win? Or, do you need to perhaps speak up for yourself in an area where you are being oppressed.

2. Decide What You Want: "What do I want Instead?"

The second step is figuring out what you want instead. What do you want, instead of resentment? Less conflict, more intimacy, peace, trust, or commitment? How is resentment preventing you from having what you want? What will happen if you let this resentment go? What won't happen if you don't let it go? If you sit with these question for a while, you'll see that everything you want is on the other side of resentment. That's because resentment is only harming you. It is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Holding onto the negative emotions of resentment only harms the individual and leads to poor mental, emotional and physical health.

3. Focus On The Right Things: "Focus on Gratitude"

The way to change those stress-maintaining thoughts is to shift our focus to gratitude. Gratitude helps us to remember our spouse’s good qualities. Gratitude, more than any other emotion, has the power to amplify our good thoughts and memories and weaken the bad ones. Gratitude dissolves resentment. Clearing out resentments is vital in keeping a healthy relationship. You can start by sharing at least 5 appreciations with your partner every week and deal with any resentments that have formed during the week.

In conclusion, resentment is a multi-layered emotion that can cause many negative reactions to pile up, hurting your relationship and your physical body. Emotional awareness is essential in detecting negative emotions and identifying ways to overcome resentment. Focus on what you want, rather than what you don't want, and shift your focus to gratitude, which can weaken negative thoughts and amplify the good ones.

We hope that our three-step solution to overcoming resentment has been helpful, and we invite you to join us next week for a deep dive into the magic of gratitude and how to cultivate it in your relationship.

Other resources to help you deal with resentment

Highlights from this episode:

• Why resentment is like taking poison – and hoping the other person dies

• Why small conversations are better than no conversations (or even big conversations)

• The value in paying attention to your negative emotions

• Questioning your own emotional maturity and asking if you have a constant need to be right

• How resentment impairs our ability to sleep and focus

• What do I want instead? What lies on the other side of your resentment?

• Focus on what you want: shifting to gratitude