“Emotional flooding corrupts our ability to listen, hear, empathize, take in any new information, or have peaceful communication. .” - Robert Snow

Introduction:

Emotional flooding is a natural response of our body when we encounter overwhelming emotions or sensations. From increased anxiety to difficulty in focusing, emotional flooding can manifest in different ways after experiencing high-stakes conflict and stress. Though emotional flooding can feel like it's outside of our control, managing this emotional survival response is not only possible - it is imperative in healthy relationships.

What is Emotional Flooding?

Emotional flooding happens when our body is overwhelmed by emotional and physical sensations. If you're experiencing too many emotions, your body will go into "shutdown" mode, reducing the feeling of emotional overload. Emotional flooding may look like avoiding behaviors, oscillating between feelings, mentally distancing yourself, or having a fight-or-flight reaction.

Early or highly impactful life experiences develop triggers that are unique to each individual. These triggers set off our brain during perceived unsafe situations related to specific emotions, conflicts, or situations. 

Symptoms of Emotional Flooding

Emotional flooding symptoms vary depending on the individual and any co-occurring mental health condition. It may resemble anxiety symptoms such as avoidance behaviors, withdrawal, rapid breathing, and negative self-talk. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), attachment disorders, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and major depressive disorder may exist alongside emotional flooding.

Symptoms of emotional flooding may include an increased heart rate, shallow and quick breaths, trouble focusing, increased muscle tension, negative self-talk, desire to escape, or stop the situation, anxiety, overwhelm, a pit in your stomach, and a constriction feeling in your throat.

Regardless of the specific symptom, emotional flooding corrupts our ability to listen, hear, empathize, take in any new information, or have peaceful communication.

Emotional Flooding in Romantic Relationships

Emotional flooding can occur in any relationship dealing with heightened friction, conflict, and stress. You'll encounter good and dysregulated moments in romantic relationships, and negative interactions with a partner can easily overwhelm you. Emotional flooding is more common when conflicts are managed poorly, or when a person is easily triggered.

John Gottman concluded through 40 years of research with over 3000 couples that ailing relationships often have heightened physiological arousal for both men and women. Engaging in conflict frequently with a partner when flooded creates distance and isolation that leads to emotional disengagement, loneliness, and eventually a break-up. Since this is a common pattern that is set off by flooding, It is crucial to learn how to manage these heightened physiological states.

Who is More Vulnerable to Emotional Flooding?

People who feel strong emotions and cannot manage them are vulnerable to emotional flooding. Highly sensitive persons, individuals who weren't taught to regulate emotions and people with attachment issues, PTSD, anxiety, and depression are at risk of frequent emotional flooding.

Five Ways to Cope with Emotional Flooding

1. Emotional Self-Care

It's critical to practice emotional self-care to increase emotional resilience. Emotional self-care involves anything that recharges your emotional battery. This might be yoga, exercise, breathing exercises, mediation, or reading a book. 

2. Mindfulness

Tuning into your individual body sensations and increasing bodily awareness will help you identify when you begin to flood, so you can take the appropriate action.

3. Notice Emotions

It is helpful to reflect after a flooding event. Understanding the emotions and triggers that sent you into that state of overwhelm will help you to recognize them sooner in the future.

4. Look For Patterns

Reflect on what you saw, heard, and felt just prior to becoming flooded. Is there a pattern? Are there certain situations or feelings (such as criticism) that consistently lead to flooding? If so, maybe it’s time to set boundaries or work with a coach to help you let go of past triggers.

5. Take A Good Break

The only way to metabolize stress hormones and return your heart rate to normal is to take a break from the present stressful situation. If you’re in the middle of a conflict with your partner, taking a break will help you avoid hurtful and resentment-causing reactions. A break must be a good break. It must be at least 30 minutes, and the break must be used for the purpose of self-soothing activities. In a podcast episode, Robert and Sharla discuss the principles of a good break and teach you how to prevent feelings of abandonment and punishment that can result from ineffective break strategies.

In Summary

Emotional flooding is highly manageable, and tuning into your emotions is the first step to changing your reaction to a flood. Identifying physical sensations, triggers, and setting boundaries when necessary can prevent subsequent emotional flooding. Additionally, effective communication during overwhelming situations can prevent distance and isolation, leading to powerful and peaceful relationships.

For More Information on Flooding, Watch This Episode: