“Parenthood is often celebrated as one of the greatest joys of life. However, the reality is that it can also put a significant strain on relationships.”

Introduction:

Parenthood is often celebrated as one of the greatest joys of life. However, the reality is that it can also put a significant strain on relationships. In fact, Drs. John and Julie Gottman found that the first three years of a baby's life had a significant impact on the happiness of couples. In a keynote lecture given in 1998 at Seattle Children's Hospital, the Gottmans revealed the results of their research, which included data on newlyweds and new parents.

Their research found that only 33% of couples remained happy during the challenges of early parenthood, whereas around 67% experienced considerable unhappiness. The Gottmans were intrigued by these findings, and they embarked on further research to investigate how happy couples managed to maintain their relationship amid the stressors of having a baby.

Through 16 studies conducted on parents before and after their child's birth, Drs. John and Julie Gottman uncovered several insights. One of the significant changes that new parents face is the increased workload, which often leaves them feeling underappreciated. Following the arrival of a baby, conflict frequency and intensity increase within the first year. Additionally, new mothers frequently experience a decline in sexual interest and inability to provide emotional support to fathers due to exhaustion.

Parenthood also prompts significant changes in identity and priorities, as new couples aim to be better parents than their own parents. The arrival of a baby creates a stark contrast in the previous and current lives of the couples. New dads can feel excluded and congested, leading to emotional and physical distance from the mother and child.

Moreover, the Gottmans found that if a father is unhappy in his relationship with the mother, the child is more likely to withdraw emotionally from him. On the other hand, master couples who successfully navigate the changes and stressors of parenthood are those who are aware of the challenges and take steps to support and strengthen their relationship.

Therefore, being mindful of the challenges of parenthood and proactively taking measures to strengthen the relationship is crucial for both parents, particularly during the transition due to having a baby. In a recent podcast episode, we discuss which measures matter most and how parents can more successful transition through parenthood by creating a magic 6-hour week.